Jeremy Lin has a coach. So does Tiger Woods. Coaches support individuals through the process of achieving a personal or professional result. Mothers coach their daughters throughout their lives. They support them to be confident, courageous and fulfilled. They encourage them to be athletes, chefs, lawyers, nurses, musicians, or anything they want to be. The help them to discover that the world holds limitless possibilities and that their girls are capable of being whatever they set the mind to.
Diana Haskins, a life coach who works extensively with parents, says there are various qualities to being a coach. A good coach knows who she is. If you want to empower your daughter, be true to yourself and let it show. Be candid, authentic and open about your emotions. This builds trust. Walk your talk, so your daughter sees what integrity looks like. She will follow your example.
A good coach is clear about her expectations. She sets the bar for her daughter and helps her to understand the family’s values, standards and beliefs. Yet, she is also flexible in how she upholds those standards. Sometimes she needs to reconsider her expectations, and be patient with the learning process.
A good coach learns to listen without judgment. She is aware of her own perspective and resists knee jerk reactions. This requires self-management especially in high stress situations.
A good coach holds the perspective that her daughter is good. She champions her goals, dreams and gifts. She sees the whole child and notices what is unique and special about her.
A good coach keeps the lines of communication open. She learns to listen more effectively. She notices not just what is being said, but also what’s behind the words. Kids have a way of pushing our buttons but a good coach resists being impulsive, pays attention to emotional signals and works to grasp her daughter’s perspective.
A good coach is an attentive listener. She uses encouragement, clarification and validation build trust. She helps her daughter to feel fulfilled and complete when she expands her listening skills.
It is not easy to be a mom. But with knowledge, support and self patience you can be the mother you want to be. You can raise a daughter who is fulfilled, complete and all that she CAN BE.
Take a moment to think about a time when you took a coach approach with your daughter. What was the impact on you and your girl?